It's pretty amazing, I think, how someone can go and follow such catastrophic yet beautiful sights for all of us to enjoy. And yet, it can cause an indescrible amount of damage. Much like some people in our lives.
It takes a lifetime to build a relationship with those people, even longer to build one with family. That when their lives turn in to a catastrophy, you still chase after them; regadless of the damage they might cause. Sometimes, that whirlwind might even be you. I know it's definitely been me.
The greatest man I've ever known, passed away 4 years ago; I was 20. My mom was in rehab, my sister had just found out she was pregnant and I felt alone. It seemed to me, at the time, that I didn't have any one. It didn't help that a daughter of his (not my real sister, thank goodness) decided that it was okay to blame someone half her age for his death. That was probably what set me in motion.
"Maybe if you had visited him he wouldn't have been so depressed and died before he was ready, Clarissa." I don't know about anyone else, but when I was sitting next to my dead dad, vulnerable and already feeling alone this has an impact on you that might actually make you think it was your fault. Of course there was a big part of me that knew otherwise, but it is still effected me.
To anyone who doesn't know my reasoning, it seems mean that I didn't visit him. We had entrusted his care with this woman, but she was anything but trustworthy. While anyone else in our family would have taken care of him because they loved him, she did it for the money the state gave her. Apparently that wasn't enough, she had to go and constantly take money out of his account for her own benefit. We hadn't realized why he didn't want to spend his last days on this earth with her, when we finally did, he was in such a fragile state; physically and emotionally that he didn't want to leave.
I understood that, but it was still worth a try to have him leave. It was hard for anyone who visited him to deal with her negativity, constant complaining and insults. She would make it very clear if she didn't like you with her passive aggressive behavior.
With all of these aspects, my fathers passing and the blame, I had one hell of a Whirlwind coming my way...
to be continued. what happens next may need several posts.